(My entry for the creative writing (poetry) competition at the inter-hostel cult fest “Manthan” at IIT-G)
Distant memories
Of a time long past
My remembrances alive
Always seem to last
For you a gift
I forged from stone
Forgive me, my Love
Oh, had I known
It holds no value
For you are now gone
Yet your scent, in the air
Still lingers on
The seasons change
With the march of time
They say it heals
With the pass of time
Yet the scar still hurts
And keeps me from sleep
You face holds me awake
No counting sheep
In the freshest of mornings
My toes in the grass
Your fingers in my hair
Please, let this pass
Noon, under the boughs
Of our shady tree
Softly you sing
Now the notes pain me
The Sun moves to dusk
Your hand around mine
Sitting in the sand
A lonely glass of wine
You laugh out loud
To the open sky
Twinkling like stars
The trinket catches my eye
The sea tries to touch
But cannot reach
Retracting its hand
Along the beach
This wretched world
Now tries to take
Your last sign
With anger I shake
So I pick it up
From the froth
As it lies there
The anklet upon the seashore
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there is a spello third para third line....
ReplyDeleteother than that. why is it the nameless poem.there is nothing extraordinary abt it that makes the name significant..or did i miss a point somewhere..... also at some places your ryth was in control...in some places u forced it through... i think one para which ends with a short fragment which is just for rhyme is an eyesore. however, ur descrpition of the thing u like the most is extremely volatile... and ur angst isnt visible till the last para...
nada said it all. i like it when some people write good poems, and others comment on them perfectly. saves me the bother of writing too much myself ;)
ReplyDelete@ nada
ReplyDeletethnx for point out the typo - got it fixed
name decide nahi kar paaya yaar
i just needed something for a heading maybe and i couldnt decide one
where dyu feel it was forced.. paucity of time man, dint have the luxury to think... and you know most of what i write is a bit rough around the edges..
@ shoban
thnkyu too
@ nada
ReplyDeleteits like the softness of those moments he spends with her then turn into the angst of his hurt at her absence
we're not always angsty when remembering thos who are lost..
I was referring to "no counting sheep". It steals a lot of beauty from your expressions. But again the lack of time provided in creative writing competitions is a big problem in itself. Within a restrictive time scale it is a gud effort.
ReplyDeleteYet, I agree that angst may not be a central theme in this. Where did u seek inspiration for this poem. I feel a classic touch has ben rendered in some places. Wordsworth maybe?
i think i was looking in my own head maybe ... i havent read much poetry sometimes it goes over my head, but i wanna try, have been waiting to read gibran and frost for some time now ... maybe wordworth too... i want to get bac to some literature too rather than novels, current affairs and self help books... ah if wish were horses...
ReplyDelete